Updated: Oct 21, 2018
So I was that stupid girl that believed that if I closed our child support case, he would be more involved in our child’s life. Even though he missed the first three years of his life because “he wasn’t ready to be a Dad.”
So I tried it.
I closed our case in his county of residence and I closed our case in my county of residence.
The agreement was, we settle our differences outside of the court system and agree to an amount while he found employment. The case was already behind and it made it hard for him to find a job after the military with the case on his record.
My words to him were-if you default on One Visit or One payment, I will reopen the case.
The case worker chimed in and stated that all back pay will be added if the case is reopened...we were at 30k at that point.
Low and behold-he defaulted on both within 6 months of our agreement. I called the case worker to see what could be done and she advised me that she did Not close the case on our end.
Her words were-“I knew that you would regret it.”
However, he must be re-served in order to open it on his end. This was 3 years ago you all….they have not been able to serve him again.
He does send money on or after our agreed date but at less than half of what the order is for. And he’s seen our son once this year and he rarely calls to talk to him. We’ve had several dates planned including my son spending the summer with him-but of course something comes up and it never happens.
So I mentioned to him recently that whatever he sends to me should be sent through the court so they know that he is paying something. Otherwise, anything that you are giving to me is considered a gift. He does not want to in fear of the courts finding his location (Sad).
His reply: Well I think the whole case should be dismissed and we should start fresh.
Me in my head: Oh no this negro didn’t.
I told him that I will not close the case; however, they could make adjustments based on what has already been paid.
Of course he was not happy about that and asked if we could discuss it.
Me: There’s not much to discuss.
I just don’t understand how a man could have a version of him created and not be involved. I also don’t understand how a woman could date or be married to a man that does not take care of his children.
Why are there so many of us single women raising children with no help. Some may say-well you should have waited for marriage, etc. That’s bullsh$t.
I take full responsibility of choosing the wrong guy to produce with, but now what?
He will eventually find this blog and become upset with my words but what are the consequences of my actions? More of what I’ve already experienced.
God sent me a Gifted child and for that, I am grateful.
Ladies-be very careful with whom you produce with.