Updated: Nov 25, 2018
Relationships that work are the ones that are worked on.
Love is a choice.
I was always baffled when someone said this because when we think of Love, we think happy and effortless smiles. The more I experienced life I started to understand it more.
I’m sure that I have a few people thinking-How could this single person tell me about Love.
Well (heaux) I am a real person and I know what love feels like. Believe it or not, my friendships/relationships last long term so I have a little bit of experience.
I wrote this entry after noticing that a few men that I know are dealing with heartbreak.
First of all-how does this happen during cuffing season? Lol
I feel like guys give up too fast and are not willing to put in any work.
Now if a woman tells you that she is no longer interested or something along the lines of Fcuk off-please exit, stage left. The last thing we want is to be pursued by someone that we are not interested in. It’s annoying.
But if you feel strongly about the person and feel that there are some things that you could possibly change (without compromising your integrity) that would help your relationship-go for it!
Ask simple questions to get straight to the point
Is there anything that I could do for us to make this work?
Is there any chance of reconciliation?
Both parties will have to agree to put in work for things to get better. Acknowledging the issue, Communication, Honesty and a Commitment to make things better are necessary.
Simply saying thank you to express your appreciation, being grateful for small things or random acts of kindness help. I would hope that you already know each other’s Love Language. If not-take the quiz to find out.
I don’t agree with taking breaks-that’s an open invitation for turmoil to happen. Most of the time when someone says that they need a break-they are looking to test the waters and hope that they find something better.
Or maybe you need to test those waters…. just be honest about it to your partner and don’t bring back any STD’s or any babies and think we’re about to work towards something better.
If you feel that you’ve tried to make things work and need to move on, do so versus becoming sick, depressed or overall unhappy. No one is worth your sanity, especially if they are unwilling to work through any issues.
My advice to my married guy friend today:
Talk to her about how you’re feeling lately. Tell her what you told me (Not word by word-clean it up first, lol) and listen closely to what she says. Listen more and talk less and try to understand where the disconnect is coming from. That’s your life partner and you two made a commitment to make things work so you should try your very hardest to keep your union strong.
My advice to my guy friend today that is currently in a three-year relationship:
Ask her if there is any chance of working through your relationship issues. (SHE SAID YES!) Ok, great---Send flowers to her job TODAY with a genuine message.
*Of course, this is just the first step-now work on your relationship.
Ok, so here’s the tricky part-Some guys and girls are not honest about their true feelings because they don’t want to hurt you. They would rather lead you on and/or “spin” you until you get the hint and move on. I’ve been on both sides and it’s awkward. In this case-communicate your feelings, watch what they say but pay closer attention to their actions. If their actions do not match with their words, save yourself some time and move on. Easier said than done I know-but just understand that you are consenting to their actions. Put more energy into getting cute and moving on (Take some hot photos and post them-wink, wink).
No one deserves to be anything besides happy. No person could make you happy, that comes from within and it is your responsibility to develop and maintain your happiness.
I think about when I’m happy and how I am more motivated and how everything around me is affected. Then I think about when I am sad and how my household is affected from my sadness.
We must remember that we need each other, and others are depending on us. It’s a domino effect and we must play our part on our journey.
There is no greater feeling than the feeling of true Love. I hope that you find it, keep it and the person on the receiving end appreciates and honor you in return.